So, I tried writing this before, but I'm writing this on my phone and it ate it. I'll try to convey the same information, but I think that some of the soul will be gone. Oh well.
Essentially, school has kept me very busy, but also very happy. Being a philosopher that spends all day with other philosophers has been so amazing. The conversations we get into, the exchange of ideas, have made me love philosophy more. We're a family of sorts, and even the philosophical disagreements are handled in such a polite and respectful manner. My interactions with them have been examples of what debate is supposed to be. And being around such brilliant people has awakened in me a desire to better myself. I want to be a better philosopher and a better human being. I've decided that I want to live a life of greater discipline and moderation. I want a simpler life conducive to philosophical work, a life with less distraction. I want the focus I need to excel at my work at CSUN and the years of graduate school that will follow.
My spiritual life has become more focused as well. For a long time, I knew something was missing. Even though I came up with a lot of theories and approximations, the real answer eluded me. It wasn't until a joking conversation with friends prompted an investigation into the God, Pan, that things began to make sense. It sank in that I was misreading signs and that Pan was trying to reach out to me this whole time. Now that I look at things, the signs were there for years. The moment I made this discovery a restlessness, a kind of anxiety, a feeling of dread or panic went away. And as someone who knows a bit about the origins of words, I totally pick up on why panic was there. It was another way for Pan to reach out to me. Now there is a peace, a quiet in my soul. I now recognize Pan's presence in my life, my patron diety that had to show up in my life in multiple ways over the course of several years because I wasn't ready to see him. I feel more balanced than I have in years, and it feels really good.